The Gentleman's Guide

If you are the type of gentleman we desire and respect at Mona Lisa Models™, you will already know these basic guidelines inside out. The following will no doubt be amusing for you, and is intended as such :-). If however, by some chance you have never booked an elite courtesan before, or have had any uncertainties/ disappointments in the past, or wish to know how to get the best experience and response from your companion, (or women in general, for the rest of your life!), it is very important for you to read on. A slightly daunting page, yes, but SO worth the read:

Preferred Client Behaviour: (i.e: how to be a gentleman with a lady!)
"IT'S NICE TO BE IMPORTANT, BUT IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO BE NICE"

Start at the beginning:
"Hiring an adult professional or escort, whatever the level, is the same as hiring any other professional, like a doctor, lawyer, or mechanic. You pay them money for a service. It doesn't matter what the service is: if you're nice to the professional, you generally get a better result than if you aren't. Treat adult entertainers the same way you treat other professionals. And like other professionals, these women will treat you as a valued client, and may even become 'friends' on a business level. They look forward to seeing you again, the same way any other professional likes to see their good clients.

The model escorts who work for escort agencies (including our courtesan company) make a living at their work just like women who have other 'regular' jobs. So yes, they are doing it for the money. But that's just their occupation/ part time dalliance, which most people choose because they enjoy it. When you hire a mechanic to fix your car, the mechanic is doing it for the money too, but he no doubt enjoys his work. It's the same thing. Your mechanic may be your friend, and he may enjoy working on your car because you're a good client. But he's not going to work for free, or accept you not showing up or trying to negotiate his quoted fee. The same kind of relationship can be established with your adult entertainer. If you become a regular caller, you will get to know each other and know what you like to do together - and you will enjoy it more. Your model escort will generally enjoy most of her work, otherwise she wouldn't be doing it." - Mark Perkel -

At Mona Lisa Models™  we have brought this standard up to a higher level again, and we're very strict about not hiring models with the wrong attitude. There's no need to ask her if she enjoys her work, you'll sound silly and amateur - although checking that she is comfortable with things is always a polite, gentlemanly gesture she will appreciate. You'll know if she's enjoying it...further info on this below.
 

Before calling...

Check the model's details on the website

When telephoning or e-mailing...
Don't call or e-mail unless you are genuinely interested. Be respectful and friendly towards the booking co-ordinators, and bear in mind that this is a business transaction. Stories concerning your incredible sexual prowess and elephantine manhood are unlikely to arouse anyone, as they have heard them all before - your business will be declined.
Be aware that if the co-ordinator is not comfortable talking with you, she will be unlikely to send one of her models to visit you.

NEVER HAGGLE OVER CHARGES... if our prices are too high, then there is nothing wrong with saying that the price is beyond what you had in mind, thank our co-ordinator for her time and then move on. Politeness costs nothing. Trying to negotiate fees will result in less polite treatment, or exclusion from our agency.

Making smutty telephone calls or sending pornographic e-mails is not funny or clever... it is infantile and a waste of your time. You will not get the response you are seeking and you will be blacklisted if you are caught. If you're really into this kind of thing, you're not the type of client we are interested in dealing with. Call one of the credit card sex lines displayed in most news papers. Alternatively, save your money & go and buy brown paper packages from your local porn shop...

Before the booking...

Cleanliness
Have a shower - paying particular attention to washing your private parts - and clean your teeth... the chances of your courtesan escort being a willing participant in erotic games with you is directly proportional to your level of personal hygiene. She is unlikely to let you kiss her if your breath smells like 4 week old milk... and she will not be impressed about you fumbling around with her expensive lingerie if your finger-nails have the contents of a bag of fertiliser underneath them!

Have a shave
Not many girls class a "sanding-down" by a five o'clock shadow as fun.

Put on clean underwear...
Even if you're not risking being knocked down by a bus, your chances of re-living scenes from Nine and a Half Weeks will be severely reduced if she discovers that your underpants look like the unwashed dishes in the sink.

Money
Have the payment ready in cash, unless otherwise agreed, and counted. You have already found out how much it is going to cost, so to spare both of you any embarrassment; make sure the amount is correct and place it in an envelope or separate from the rest of your money. When the model suggests payment be made, hand it to her.

Alcohol
A Gin and Tonic to help with your nerves, or a brandy to arouse you is OK. Ten bottles of beer is not a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant rather than a stimulant and although you may think that it improves your staying power, it is more likely to prevent you from reaching any feeling at all... and beer breath is a turn-off.

Together at last...

Conversation
Be courteous. Offer her a drink... engage in a little conversation, treat her like a lady. Don't grope her the moment that she walks through the door, she will walk out. You may be paying for her company, but a little respect may pay dividends later... You wouldn't grope a date as she walked in the door, so don't do it to your geisha-escort.Detailed personal questions should be a no-go area. This model is with you under a business arrangement, so don't expect her to tell you her life history or innermost secrets...

Under no circumstances ask:
.What does your boyfriend think about your work?
.How long have you been doing this?
.Do your parents know about your job?
.How much money do you make?
.Do you pay tax?
.Why don't you marry a rich man and forget about this work?
.How many men do you meet in one night?, etc.

These are very personal and patronizing questions, so don't ask them, unless you are looking for a very cool performance or equally embarrassing questions in return, like:-
.What does your wife/ girlfriend think of this?
.How long have YOU been doing this?
.Do your children know that you go out with escorts?
.Does your boss know you're here?
.Have you ever thought about going on a diet?
.Why don't you go home to your partner and forget about this service?
.Have you ever thought about taking a course in romance? ....

Payment
You should already have the payment ready, so at a suitable moment when she mentions fixing the business side of things, hand her the payment. Don't get the money out and count it into her hand like a checkout girl at your local supermarket, she can count quite well... and don't try the old sleight-of-hand routine and try to keep one back. She will leave. And don't try a bit of last minute bartering... the prices are set. Again, she will leave. If you can't afford it, please use another service.

The Nitty Gritty...

"No" means "NO!!".
If you want a service that she does not provide...
BACK OFF!!! Don't ruin the mood.


Close of Play...

Only play for overtime if you can pay for overtime. Don't expect the model escort to stay an extra 10-15-20 minutes for free. At that point, you should be talking to her as she prepares to bid you a fond farewell... don't think that you can carry on doing whatever you want to for hours on end until you have had enough. The deal you have is based on time and you agreed to it in advance.
If you wish her to stay longer, by all means extend your booking, but please respect that she may have a pre-booked appointment waiting.

Don't offer to buy her a drink/ a meal/ suggest going to the cinema, and expect her to do so without payment. You may have gotten along very well, and she may genuinely like you, but business is business and she will prefer it to be kept that way. As mentioned above, she is like any other professional. Ever thought of what would happen if you asked your lawyer to draw up some extra contracts for you, but can he do it in his own time, at home, for free? No. Would your accountant give a few hours' advice free? No. So don't confuse the issue. Courtesans are the same, but you pay for her company, elegance, talents and time rather than her legal or numerical knowledge & time.

Some models are available for uncomplicated long term 'relationships' with benefactors, on an arranged 3, 6 or 12 month contract, at her required price + five star living arrangements and provisions. If you feel you'd like to really get to know the model you have an attachment to, this may be an option for you, subject to the model's schedule and availability.

Some Information for Gentlemen to be aware of in their own relationships:
Should you become close to a woman throughout the evening, and things become intimate, Ask her how she likes to be touched. Regardless of your experience, every woman is different. The first sign of a great lover is a considerate one. Ignoring her needs makes you an ignorant, and thus second-rate lover! Like everything in life, never assume you know it all. If you cannot be shown something new, your mind is closed. We should never stop learning, even in areas you think you know!

Some more advice for less experienced would-be gentlemen:
BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.

BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive, like the head of a penis. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a bad area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel! There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention. Stroke her arms, her face, her stomach, kiss her ankles...

GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take her clothing off herself.

LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it. Wrap it in tissues and dispose in the bin. DO NOT FLUSH CONDOMS. They end up on our beaches, and choking our sealife to death.

ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers/ tongue along the side or just above or below the clitoris.

STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you want to satisfy your companion, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not. Listen to her body language, and the result will be reached faster. Ask her to tell you or show you how she likes it.

UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a blouse stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it. If not, don't keep repeating it. Sorry to tell you boys, but there is very little feeling in there, it's all about the clitoris...

MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your clothes off, even if it's just undoing a couple of your buttons. Let her set the pace. She's a professional, & knows how to do it just right..

TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first!

GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the intercourse situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts. You are indulging your sensuality, not pumping gas.

GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thighs or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds. Plus she will close her legs more to try to avoid the bruising, so you get less deep penetration.

CUMMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too! It will be worth it later..

NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her, (and most women) it's more likely the mark of a dumb, insensitive jerk. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man. What most women know, and too many men don't, is that building the right anticipation will make your climax far more intense, satisfying and long lasting. instead of pumping gas or trying to ejaculate 500 times, try holding your sexual energy in, building it up, and only allow release when you have refused yourself several times. You'll see what we mean.. :-)

ASKING IF SHE HAS CUM. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise, and all women enjoy strong, pulsating contractions in the vagina when she climaxes, which you may feel around fingers or other appendages that happen to be inside her at the time. But if you really don't know, don't ask. It ruins the mood, and if she thinks you made her cum, then you ask if she has, all the respect you've just built up is dashed. If she didn't cum, you'll soon hear about it!

PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris. NO TEETH!!!

NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball- to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her. A lot of men don't understand that when you give to a woman first, she always gives 200% back.

NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm smells like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. It also ruins a good hairdo! When you're doing something where protection is not strictly necessary, eg. spanish, warn her before you cum so she's prepared, and can remain graceful. Elegant women hate nothing more than being made to look a fool.

MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just relax there. And don't grab her head.

MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest. Be a man. Lose the slapping.

ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. A sensual atmosphere is rarely coupled with a change in position every 3 minutes.

LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. To be a good lover, you have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you...

SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.